Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I am Paul.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. --Romans 7:15

Freiburg, Germany

Megan says we are vessels of grace.

It's a beautiful thought. I want to say, easy to say for someone living my dream, bouncing through life with her beautiful girls, managing her household with love and ease and, yes, grace.

I am not anonymous enough here to complain about work. Let us say that--it's not where I want to be.

I think it is easier to do good to those who hate you than to do good to those who irritate the hell out of you.

But. Just because it is not where I want me to be does not mean it is not where God wants me to be. For this season, for this time, for some purpose I can't yet fathom.

Certainly lots of people have it far worse than I do. This is not particularly bad, just irritating. And I am letting myself be impatient for a future that won't be quite as rosy when it gets here as I make it out to be, anyway. Really, nothing is wrong here that isn't made wrong by my sinful, judgmental nature that insists on casting everything in the worst possible light.

But the devil knows just where to get me, you know?

I need Grace to be grace. Luckily, I've got Grace in abundance. More than I deserve.

Linked up with Heather of The Extraordinary Ordinary's "Just Write" challenge.


  1. "But the devil knows just where to get me, you know?


  2. Amen indeed. C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters gets me every time--there are so many ways to be tempted, right down to the temptation of thinking you're not being tempted!

  3. I just came out of a very similar time, so I can tell you- I can relate.
    I believe God is still working beautiful things in you, even when life feels miserable.