Monday, March 26, 2012

I am two.

Oh, hey there, blog. Almost forgot about you.

Life's been a little busy, and I've been a little tired.

And we're not ready to tell everyone (which means, no Facebook), but I'm trying to work through some things in my head so I'm going to tell you, my dear Internet friends (and Jessi, but please keep it quiet for now!):

Yup. Little Critter's ETA is mid-November. The same month as our anniversary. And as DDH's birthday. So that was good planning. -_-

Yay! So other than being terrified, we're very excited (even though I'm going to spend the rest of this point not sounding excited at all but worrying over related matters). But I guess my goals for the year have changed a bit now.

I need to:
  1. Learn everything (or at least enough) about pregnancy, childbirth, and babies.
  2. Make a nursery and otherwise babyproof the house.
  3. Figure out how to babyproof the dogs (they're very loving and protective, but Jayne also sliced my toe open yesterday making a mad dash for his Kong. Soooo....).
  4. Figure out how to tell my boss that I'm leaving the firm, hopefully while still being able to work up until the baby's born (the "hopefully" is not because I anticipate illness but because my boss is insane and might just fire me as soon as I tell him).
  5. Figure out a way to make some money from home, and/or find a job of some sort to go back to next year.
A massive trip to the library and a judicious amount of googling are taking care of number one.

Number two will begin over the next few months. On a strict budget and with lots of gifty help from the parents...first grandchild FTW.

Number three...I'm guessing google will help me there, too. Though some people suggest using a doll and training the dog to behave around the doll, and that doesn't make sense to me. Dogs identify primarily through smell. A doll doesn't smell anything like a baby, and training a dog to be nice to a piece of plastic has nothing to do with it being nice to an actual person. Really I suspect this will just involve actually training the dumb dogs to behave better (finally! a reason for the DDH to cooperate and not sabotage all my efforts). And trimming their nails more frequently. And constant vigilance!

Numbers four and five, though...blech. For various reasons, starting with my boss is batshit crazy, going through no really, he's insane and ending with also I don't really like finance that much and I'm not that good at it, I do not plan on coming back to this job after Critter is born.

The fact that my salary would approximately equal the cost of good daycare enters into our consideration as well, and is part of the reason why I would prefer to manage to make some sort of money at home rather than by going to a part-time job somewhere. But the fact is, the DDH's ADA job will not quiiiiiitte pay all the bills. (Of course, trying to make payments on his ridiculous law school student loans is really what makes it impossible for us to get by on just his ADA salary...but anyway.)

I've worked as a tutor on the side before, and imagine I could pick up some more of those gigs--except that childcare will again be an issue (though not an insurmountable one, surely).

Here's the thing. Really, Critter just pushed up my deadline. I've been planning to quit my job for a while now, because I hate it. It's both boring and stressful and not particularly rewarding in any sense of the word--except for the sense in which it's reliable, regular income, which going out on my own with any sort of project is not.

But while what I love is writing, editing, cooking, and gardening (and I'm not particularly talented at the last two)...I have no idea how to turn that into any amount of money at all. And I'm getting depressed googling around for online editing gigs and only coming up with scams. Why don't legitimate people want a complete stranger to edit their important documents over the internet? I don't understand. ;-)

So I need some ideas. Is it too much to ask that I
  1. Actually make some (not a lot! but some) money
  2. Doing something that I actually enjoy
  3. That lets me stay at least mostly at home with Critter and his/her eventual siblings, doing what I believe is the most important job of all?
It would be really nice if the DDH could just snag some swank private-sector lawyering gig with a private-sector lawyering income so that I wouldn't have to worry about making my writing projects profitable...but he promised the county four years and he's a man of his word. And he really, really loves his crazy insane stressful heartbreaking job, so I wouldn't be surprised if he wants to stay longer.

Sigh. It's something I need to work on regardless of whether Critter sticks it out (yes, I'm reading too many miscarriage stories on Babycenter), because as scary and uncertain and failure-ridden as doing something else is likely to be, I cannot subject myself to this place much longer.

Help, friends!


  1. Oh my god Katie, this is SO exciting! I actually couldn't finish reading your entire blog post because I was so excited (I promise I'll go back and finish reading it later). Squeeee!

    I'll try not to totally bombard you on Pinterest with baby crafts, but I make no guarantees! Plus, now I can feel totally validated when I see a cute baby thing and pin it. Yay!

    1. I had to tell JM, but I told him to keep it to himself. No facebook or anything :-)

    2. I figured you'd tell JM! Know worries. Rachel and Matt know because I apparently accidently uploaded the picture to a public album on G+. *headdesk*

      I am excited for baby crafts! Lol. All the more reason to whip that craft room into shape!

      But yes, I was soooo jealous of your bathsalt entry today because I am a hot bath ADDICT and they are no go for the next eight months. *tear* But then I am totally trying that recipe. ^_^

    3. Ugh, it's too bad about the no-baths-while-pregnant thing. :-(

      The picture thing, I totally do that too. I keep forgetting that pictures I put on my blog are also pictures I have on G+...

      And, baby crafts! Woo!

  2. Katie, Congratulations!!!I am thrilled for you and would love to give you a big hug right now...also, you probably already know this, but I still want to tell you- it's OKAY to feel however you're feeling (including concerned). All your feelings are valid (even is someone else or even yourself tells you they're hormone-driven).
    With that said, I am SO HAPPY for you.
    So much love,

    1. Thank you, thank you, Sarah! I really appreciate your reassurance. I *know* it's okay and normal to feel all the different crazy things I'm feeling right now, but it helps to hear it from someone who knows. ^_^

      Long-distance hugs and lots of love,